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Feeling a bit ... conflicted

August 8th, 2013 at 12:14 pm


I am just having a hard time accepting things.

I'm proud. I know where my pride comes from. Don't need to analyze myself further than I already have.

I've refused cash money from my parents. My mother was pestering me about letting her pay for getting my hair colored with highlights. Even if its a gift and I like it, I wouldn't be able to maintain it, so I figure why bother?

I was a bit annoyed when my mother wanted to know why I wasn't going to buy my daughter uniform pants three days before pay day. I was quite frank and said, "I have $8 in the checking account until Friday. I need to buy milk." Well, my mother then bought the uniform pants for my girls.

My parents this week have purchased "fun snacks" from Trader Joe's where I don't shop. I'm an Aldi's girl for the unforeseeable future.

Today they have stocked up on Blue Buffalo dog food for the puppy. Granted they gifted the puppy, but I've taken care of the shots, etc. I don't mind a few things here and there, but I think this will become a regular scenario. In my mind I will quickly be becoming someone's charity case. But if it is my mother, am I really a charity case?

I saved $300 on high school textbooks by using Amazon for six of them. I opened up the Amazon card and saved a whopping $10. That will be a $400 bill that I need to take care of next month.

I am preserving the $20K emergency fund. Pretending as if it doesn't exist. More coworkers of DH are jumping ship. He's in the new position and still doing most of his old job (the irritating employee that was the catalyst for him moving onto the better job has quit so he's working different departments and different budgets.) The guesstimate is now 30% likelihood that HQ will be in IL. I'm thinking about doing some Christmas shopping sooner than later.

I'm having a hard time just being able to say thank you. Not sure why I'm finding myself in this rut. Oh well ...

4 Responses to “Feeling a bit ... conflicted”

  1. IndianGal Says:

    It can feel awkward to receive money or gifts from others if you have not asked for them. However, if you don't want them to offer these gifts/money maybe you could talk to your mother a little bit more about your financial viewpoint and choices. For example - you were going to buy uniform pants for your daughter - only it would have to be after you got paid because you were sticking to your monthly budget or something like that. Parents tend to fuss and worry. Knowing that these are thought-through choices you are making, not something you are "forced into" due to financial hardship might be reassuring to them.

  2. Miz Pat Says:

    Hey - family is never a charity case. They love you and worry. Explain to them that you are taking care of things and you appreciate the love, but you are not in a horrible struggle right now. Explain that you have an emergency fund and no one is going without, you are just respecting every dollar you earn and deferring a few expenses.

    I can understand being stuck between feeling like, "Hey I'm a grownup and doing a damn fine job in a bad economy," and being conflicted because this makes you feel like you are not doing your job.

    I have $20K in my emergency fund. I'm so proud of it, and of living within my means. Its an accomplishment both of us can rejoice in, because we are the few, the frugal.

  3. snafu Says:

    I hope it's ok to mention there is another side...your mom is likely thrilled to be able to gift you a hair 'adventure,' something different. Buying grandchildren new school garb is fun. Likely reminds mom of your new school year. I love to bless people I care about with a gift I believe they will enjoy. I sure hope recipients haven't felt annoyed by any tangible gestures of my affection.

  4. laura Says:


    Thanks snafu for pointing out the other side. See my update to this post. I don't think my attitude was purely one of "annoyed", but conflicted because I can't just say "thank you" and not feel that it is something bad about me not being able to take care of all the needs of the household on the money that we do have.

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