I've come to a realization about myself. And that is: when I am nervous about something, I micromanage, perseverate, and generally immerse myself in whatever situation, so I can monitor and be ready for some indication that the situation is going to go awry. As if I'm heading for a cliff of some sort, if I pay careful attention, I'll be able to stop the calamity from happening.

In the past I've spent a lot of time worrying about things. Coming from a dysfunctional money background growing up (living with a poor mother, abandoned financially by a father who came from a family with money), left me out of synch - thinking that money magically solves things. And then, when we did have little bits of money, I'd hoard it away "in case".

Most recently I analyzed my relationship with older daughter who is now a freshman. Starting high school for me was a very scary thing, having to start at a new school with no friends (I started in public for elementary/junior high, and ended in parochial for high school). My daughter was also starting at the same school knowing few people. I confess to being a helicopter parent; I was able to check her grades on line and hounded her about an F because she forgot her Bible in Theology on the day they did a supplies check. No wonder she was a bit tired of me. I also hounded her about staying in contact with her best friend who went to a different parochial high school. Ugh, I look back and think "what was I thinking?" The consequence of this was I closed the door on open communication with my daughter who I'm usually really close with.

I realized my behavior at the end of 1st quarter. I haven't looked at her grades at all once, not even one sneaky peak. I let her tell me what her grades are, and guess what? She's done remarkably well without my hounding. She and her best friend have renewed contact and talk once a week now and get together twice a month. She has new friends and we talk about situations with boys and etc.

I'm no longer hovering, and the results are good. My girl is able to think and act for herself, and I'm there when she needs me.

It is the same with money. I'm not checking the balance in the checking account every day. I do keep aware of how much remains in budget categories. I also have a budget cushion that allows me to spend more freely. The money is taking care of itself.

We haven't missed the funds from increasing the 401K to 11%. Once I get the income tax refunds, I'll be paying the $7K (estimated) property taxes on the primary residence and that will be off the plate for the year. I'm planning a few months out now for events like First Holy Communion, Confirmation, and Graduation.

What started this whole analysis of the shift in my thinking? We were shopping at Payless yesterday for shoes. Oldest son's school shoes didn't survive and the sole was almost completely off. Younger daughter needed shoes for her Valentine's Day Dance on Thursday. She found a perfect pair of pink pattened leather pumps with a black bow (cost $30) and she said, "I love these shoes. I'll wear them for the dance, Easter, AND Graduation. I know I should be practical, but I LOVE them." Of course I bought them for her. Everyone deserves a pair of shoes they absolutely love. Old me would have bought them with some sort of little lecture about how they aren't exactly practical, but I would. I'd be conveying some sense of displeasure or disapproval.

Yesterday I smiled and said, "Of course you can get them! I'd buy them for myself if they matched something. They are great. And let's get you a pair of flats for the May Crowning. Its a buy one, get half off sale!"

Total spent for three pairs of shoes: $45.

Lesson to mother: Priceless.