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Home > Perceptions, Reality, and What Would You Do?

Perceptions, Reality, and What Would You Do?

January 31st, 2013 at 07:00 pm


I have a dilemma, and I need some advice on a situation.

I found myself in the uncomfortable situation as being a sort of "quasi Committee Chair" for our Cub Scout Pack. I have three Scouts and my husband is leader for the 2nd Grader Den. I am the secretary/quasi leader for the 5th grader who is moving on to Boy Scouts later in February.

The guy who is stepping up to be the new Cubmaster or Committee Chair is a high-maintenance sort of guy, and I wake up to daily emails from him that do pertaining to Scouting, but some of it is just odd. I realize that he probably thinks that we are friends, given we spent a day with his family at their beach house and had a great time. Other than that, we don't socialize outside of school. He is abrasive and has alienated those in charge who are moving on. They don't want to deal with him, and consequently everyone choses to deal with ME and I'm in the middle. My role for the new regime is "Treasurer" (I have plenty of other volunteer work to keep me busy outside of Scouts).

On Friday night when others were assembling the Pinewood Derby Track he sent me an email (via text) that said "I think I am getting the cold shoulder." OK?

The most recent email last night had to do with the new policy regarding gays in Scouting.

I assume he perceived me to share the doctrinal view of homosexuality. I love my faith for lots of things, and do not agree with everything. I don't personally chose to use birth control and have a largish family (it would be large if all of my pregnancies ended in healthy, live children). It is none of my business what people chose to do to limit the size of their families. We are pretty devout in our faith life and my children know a lot of their religion inside and out. But guess what, my girls wear bikinis and one even has multiple piercings, and she's waiting until 16 so she can have her cartilage pierced. Because we limit our social obligations during the times of Advent and Lent to focus on our family, we are perceived as "the way right". And guess what, we are Pro-Lifers with the exception of rape/incest/life of the mother. However, I wouldn't even dare to pass judgment on someone who has an abortion. Ultimately it isn't up to me.

I pointed out to this person that I like an inclusive view of Scouts, and DH and I signed the petition to let the gay Eagle Scout be an Eagle Scout. What does it really have to do with life? We can't even say that Scouting is Christian when there are Hindu, Buddhist and Jewish awards of faith. I am dealing with some who wants to blend the issues.

We're butting heads on things like money now. The budget for our annual banquet is $2,300 for 100 people. Last year there were 130 and they did the whole thing for $1,700. This guy is a foodie who wants to do it organically. which I don't think we can afford. $5.50 for one chicken breast?

The worst thing is we are having three long-time individuals "graduate" and in the past the budget has covered their appreciation gifts/plaque. This guy is saying this year we're taking up a collection because it isn't coming out of the budget.

I'm thinking about fighting for the budget to cover these items as it always has in the past. Or do I just resign and let him deal with it all.

I'm already in hot water because our banquet is in the school hall (basement) of our 100 year old school, and I moved it to the basement of our new church so the mother with ataxia and a walker can come without a problem. Oy, do you fight or resign?

Posted in Uncategorized | 6 Comments »

6 Responses to “Perceptions, Reality, and What Would You Do?”

  1. CB in the City Says:
    January 31st, 2013 at 07:30 pm 1359660629
    1359660629

    I know this kind of person. Wants to have his way all the time and tone deaf to how he affects others. I don't think they ever change or get more sensitive.

    It's up to you how much grief you want to take. You're the Treasurer and if you feel strongly about budget issues it is your job to fight for them. Sometimes that kind of person respects a fighter. But it might just be a useless battle.

    If it were me, I would probably resign, but then, I hate confrontation!

  2. Carolina Girl Says:
    January 31st, 2013 at 08:19 pm 1359663558
    1359663558

    My question would be are you two the only ones on the committee? If there are others, I would call a committee meeting and put it to a vote. Are there no by-laws written that can say what can/can't be done with scout monies? If not, now would also be a good time to get those in place. I guess the question of resigning or not would be up to you. You pick and choose your battles. I too hate confrontation but I also hate when I don't stand up to bullies. As far as the issue of the dinner, could you change the menu to a less expensive option such as chicken...maybe a spaghetti dinner. Something that serves a crowd with a lesser cost. If he happens to bring up the "cold shoulder" topic again, that may be an opening to tell him how he is perceived to others. Might be a wake up call he needs...but then again he may know and not care. Makes me again thankful my kids are grown. LOL Good luck on whatever you decide.

  3. mjrube94 Says:
    February 1st, 2013 at 02:03 am 1359684231
    1359684231

    I have no advice, as dealing with difficult people and being diplomatic is not my forte, but I'm thinking of you, and hoping whatever you decide works out for the best!

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    February 1st, 2013 at 02:16 am 1359684993
    1359684993


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  5. Thrifty Ray Says:
    February 1st, 2013 at 02:33 am 1359686025
    1359686025

    This is a tough one- but I am wondering too if you and he are the only ones on the committee. If not, I would involve the others, as they should be, in any decisions. It does sound like he is running his agenda, rather than being an advocate for the boys. Someone needs to be a voice of reason for them. If it is just you and him, you will have to decide if its worth it to push for what you belive is the right thing to do.

    As far as his views and neediness, if it were me, I would involve myself only in those discussions that involved the den. (is that what they call it?) Id ignore the other comments, even at the risk of appearing to give a cold shoulder.

    Whatever you decide, best of luck to you and your boys..

  6. snafu Says:
    February 1st, 2013 at 04:55 am 1359694519
    1359694519

    Folks volunteer to benefit their community but if they don't feel valued they depart. This Cubmaster might be the classic bully who has been successful with his abhorrent behavior for a long time because people prefer to avoid confrontation. Bullies are often surprised to silence when told 'No.'

    If the committee decides on price, entree and venue, won't that settle matters? Only you can decide how much confrontation you're willing to take on.

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