This is a rant with the only financial aspect being a $5 pizza. But it might amuse you, or you could offer insight.
Our social network at this point is mostly the parochial school that our kids attend and the volunteer activities that we are involved in at the parish we worship at. I'm not outwardly social, but I do have a circle of friends that I'm generally happy with, unitl yesterday.
One of the people I regard as my closest of those friends through me for a loop yesterday. She is apparently having issues with her daughter (7th grade) who hero-worships my 7th grader. My daughter is happy to be middle of the road, not a Queen Wannabe. She's happily the least popular of the populars or the most popular of the unpopulars. It doesn't bother her and she has quite a few friends that she floats between.
Apparently my friend is *tired* of listening to the way things are at my house. I *let* my then 7th Grader skip Field Day last year and do something else (in her opinion, ditching isn't OK). She didn't like that I *let* my daughters wear strapless dresses to the Father-Daughter Dance at school (they were modest and tasteful, looked beautiful, and wore appropriate shrugs at the event). I *let* my daughters see "Twilight: Breaking Dawn." Get-togethers with friends at my house can last hours and hours. I will accomodate last minute requests for sleepovers. At my house, you won't be bothered by younger siblings, etc. etc.
OK, I don't usually comment on what goes on in other people's houses, though I have my own ideas. My children are regarded as kind and polite and most family's at the school have 2.5 kids, we double that. My friend is a control-freak who is a helicopter parents and the things she has shared with me about other people's kids have me feeling that her daughter will have no boundaries and it is no wonder she's turning out sneaky and manipulative. The mother's behavior has forced the daughter to have a very jaded view of her. The parents fight. There's been some domestic issues involving becoming physical. Leave me out of it. I don't want to sit down with your child. Get a real therapist. I hung up my hat a long time ago.
The worst blow came when she said, "My child is OK eating Little Ceasar's pizza at your house. Why is it that at my house they have to eat Home Run Inn pizzas which set me back $50 for two?"
I know my child well enough to know that she'd never express any sentiment other than politeness, and I feel bad that I actually said, "My child had an issue with what you were feeding her?" Maybe too incredulously,
My friend said, "No it is my child. She's just not happy with anything."
My husband was accused of being too enthusiastic about life. My daughter was accused of snubbing this grown-up friend, though she back-pedaled a bit when I said, "You mean my daughter has been disrespectful for over a year and you haven't told me." and then I was insightful enough to say, "You've said that *M* has said that don't like (my daughter). Could that have been communicated to (my daughter) somehow and she is responding to that situation?"
I had to say that while they can still socialize, I think there should be clear limits on the amount of time spent (to address my so-called friends concerned about lots of time spent at my house) together, my daughter won't be called, I also said that I don't want my daughter communicating about things that I say to her with the other girl, and vice versa. I said that she (my friend) should encourage her daughter to have other friends outside of my daughter because it doesn't appear to be healthy for anyone involved.
And I wanted to candidly say, "I keep my household running on $100 a week. That is food, paper, cleaning products, pet food, fresh produce, dairy, meat, etc.). And if I don't feel like feeding everyone tuna and noodle casserole when friends are over, I will buy the party pack at Little Cesar's for $16 which will get me two pizzas, breadsticks sauce and a 2L of soda."
Leave me alone.
Why bring the $5 pizza into it anyway? Or When grown-up friendship goes awry
February 21st, 2012 at 06:43 pm
February 21st, 2012 at 06:52 pm 1329850362
February 21st, 2012 at 07:13 pm 1329851616
Thank you for your comment. It has me rethinking some things.
February 21st, 2012 at 07:18 pm 1329851893
February 21st, 2012 at 07:19 pm 1329851964
February 21st, 2012 at 07:29 pm 1329852562
I took away from the whole conversation that she questions my judgment as a parent. She's accused me in the past of being "too Catholic" (if there can be such a thing) and I am having hesitations about bringing this girl with us to "Nun Camp" at Manitowoc, WI in June.
February 21st, 2012 at 07:49 pm 1329853767
February 21st, 2012 at 07:59 pm 1329854342
The comment about DH's enthusiasm: two years ago, DH works for a company that sponsored a Jonas Brothers Concert and he took our two daughters, their best friends, and their friends' sisters to the practice concert. DH was happy to do it since he is usually involved with our boys. Apparently both girls have complained to their dad about "Why isn't he as fun as Mr. *M*?" I guess no good deed goes unpunished?
February 21st, 2012 at 09:18 pm 1329859129
February 21st, 2012 at 09:36 pm 1329860180
This is one of those things where "it's not about the pizza." & frankly, it's not about the words coming out of her mouth. Too Catholic? Too fun? Too lenient? Is there anything you are doing right, then? But seriously, sounds like she complain no matter what you do.
She's simply got issues and she is taking them out on you. & of course, the kids suffer.
((HUGS))
February 21st, 2012 at 09:39 pm 1329860372
My daughter came home from school and shared that this woman (my friend and mother of her friend) had a conversation with another friend's mother about my child's lack of conversing with adults. The other friends mother said my daughter is a very nice girl and maybe just shy, to which my friend/other mother said, "I think she is just rude."
I really want to spare my daughter this, but unfortunately I feel that this situation is going to get worse.
I am also majorly afraid that she is going to turn something I said into something that it isn't. A friend of mine from high school is a photographer and has a son at the school my kids go to. He has some awesome equipment and we talked about having him take some head shots/comp sheet photos for my older daughter. He happened to have been a senior content editor for Playboy - who knows how that will play out. Ugh.
February 21st, 2012 at 10:18 pm 1329862686
February 21st, 2012 at 10:24 pm 1329863051
I honestly don't know.
February 21st, 2012 at 10:42 pm 1329864173
February 22nd, 2012 at 01:26 am 1329874004
February 22nd, 2012 at 01:59 am 1329875962
February 22nd, 2012 at 03:01 am 1329879716
How can you be too religious in a parochial school? I'm assuming that your religion matches the parochial school.
February 22nd, 2012 at 04:48 am 1329886139
February 22nd, 2012 at 12:48 pm 1329914919
February 22nd, 2012 at 07:43 pm 1329939799
February 23rd, 2012 at 09:00 pm 1330030832
I am confused too - just like some of the other comments - You are TOO Catholic, but your girls are allowed to "run wild"; what with strapless dresses and watching movies and eating cheap pizza.
Your "friend" is messed up! I'd keep her away from me.
February 24th, 2012 at 03:04 pm 1330095866
February 24th, 2012 at 03:16 pm 1330096574
@ jpharris, thanks for sharing your situation. I agree that all family's are different and what is good for mine might not be good for yours. However, as a so-called friend, you should respect my right to parent and not comment on it after the fact to my face. I should add that in the past I was very supportive (and in retrospect shouldn't have been) when this friend snapped and touched her child (and some other things followed). Ultimately, my child isn't safe or comfortable at her home (based on some other things my daughter has since shared). I should add that we all are active and attend a parochial school and Catholic church, so these are faith-based adults we're talking about. I've violated my new attitude that this is Lent and I'm past this. Honestly, my feelings are still hurt by all of it.
February 24th, 2012 at 06:15 pm 1330107318
February 26th, 2012 at 11:17 am 1330255076
February 27th, 2012 at 12:22 pm 1330345323
hands from top to bottom massage,
February 29th, 2012 at 11:59 pm 1330559953
I would stand my ground at anything directed at a child however, as it appears you are doing. I would also continue to encourage the girls play at your home, where her daughter appears to be very, very happy to be. :-)
You've indicated you've heard this friend make unkind remarks about others. People do always show us who they are - and it sounds like she did before she eventually turned on you. Now that you know, I see no need to continue to try and foster a friendship. Simply ignore or walkaway from her chaos as appropriate. You are not the only adult feeling this way I am sure, and it often takes just one person calmly standing their ground to stand down a bully. Which is what she appears to be.