I just lost a very long and lengthy post (which maybe is a blessing in disguise because it was a brain dump about the situation my best friend is in (romantically, occupationally, residentially, and finally, monetarily).
I will just deal with the main money issue.
She has asked me point-blank to look at her entire money picture and "help" her. In the past, I've suggested Mary Hunt, Neil Atkinson, Dave Ramsey, Suze Orman, etc. To no avail. I've suggested Microsoft Money, QUicken, YNAB, Mint. To no avail.
I suggested she see a financial planner. She can't afford it. My qualifications, according to her, I've participated and can lead the "Seven Steps to Financial Freedom" seminars (Catholic-based financial principles) and I've been on Catholic radio (talking about Canon law and how it can be interpreted to have parochial school tuition included as part of tithing).
She asked if she should file bankruptcy on her $20K credit card debt. She is a month behind on her mortgage and her student loan (of $80K) is in forbearance or deferment. I told her that I don't think she'd like what I have to say, and I don't know if I'm comfortable knowing her entire financial snapshot (it is more nakedness than I'm comfortable about). To this she said, "You know the last time I had sex and with whom. What can be worse than that?"
We don't think alike in all areas of life, and are rather polar opposites. She told me to think about it, but it would be a "big help to her". I told her that she needs to find gainful employment (she gave 30 days notice at her job last Friday and hasn't actually found another job). I told her that she need to find a place to live (she rented her condo and has to be out by 10/1).
What would you do? She's been my best friend for 25+ years (more like almost 30) and is Godmother to my fourth child.
Disheartened: Lost post. Need help when Pleading the 5th Won't Work
August 13th, 2012 at 08:21 pm
August 13th, 2012 at 08:45 pm 1344890724
I think the only thing you should do is possibly offer her money saving strategies (cutting expenses, using coupons, combining trips ect).
Again, to me, it sounds like she wants YOU to fix HER situation.
It sounds like you are in a tough spot....good luck and keep us posted!
August 13th, 2012 at 08:49 pm 1344890948
I might consider saying something like, "My advice will be along the lines of what I told you when I suggested Suze Orman, YNAB, etc., etc. (list all that you can remember). I still think these are all good suggestions, so my new advice wouldn't be much different, if at all. If you didn't like the advice then, do you really think you'll like my current advice any better?"
August 13th, 2012 at 10:01 pm 1344895269
Thanks for the feedback, gals! I didn't want to second guess myself (and my instinct was saying "bite your tongue, bite your tongue.") I've offered not even my opinion on things, mostly because my advice was on deaf ears for many,many years.
Now, I suppose, I should revisit my own money saving strategies and share them with her. I'm heading to Books a Million tomorrow and will see if I can find a Mary Hunt book for her. Debt-Proof Living, I think?
August 13th, 2012 at 11:46 pm 1344901609
August 14th, 2012 at 01:23 am 1344907438
I think getting the book for her is a great idea. Have her read it. Then meet to discuss the book. Then have her start working the plan. Ask how it is going, what problems she is having? I think if you can actually have a back and forth dialogue and she could have 'homework' or deadline that she follows through with it could have a positive impact.
Now if she just wants to hand it over and you take care of it...no way!! She won't learn anything that way. Yes...she needs a job to make any plan work!
August 14th, 2012 at 03:09 am 1344913769
August 14th, 2012 at 01:58 pm 1344952702
If this were me, I'd be preparing for this friendship to. . . blow up. . . at some future point. This gal seems like a drama addict, and I've noticed a tendency for this to happen, when a person stops feeding the drama.
This has got to be especially tough for you with your friend being your child's Godmother and the longevity of your friendship.