In an effort to change my thinking and behavior, I made small progress. My dear friend is the poorest money manager I have ever met. Long story with lots of details and bad turns. Anyhow, she is presently upside down on her car loan by several thousand dollars. This car doesn't handle well in the snow, thus her looking into a different car before the winter. I suggeted snow tires awhile back. She laughed. OK, she called me to say that someone from the VW dealer said if she took a three year lease on a new car and she turned it in at the end of that period, her upside down car situation would be gone and done. She would owe nothing and could then start over. I wanted to jump in and start lecturing about the car being a depreciating asset and the car payment would be higher, etc. etc. It was a challenge. I bit my tongue. Hard, yes. I bit my tongue hard and said, "Well, you've got a lot to think about then. Don't you?" She seemed taken aback that I didn't respond in my Pavolvian-trained dog way that I have. Then she said, "I guess I do." That was it. No bantering back and forth about what I thought she "should" do and reminding her of her overall financial picture. It is not mine to worry about. Lesson learned: The only thing you can really change is yourself.

In an effort to start the second half of the year on the right budget foot, I applied today's paycheck as July Is. Obviously it will all balance out, with December's last one being January Is. I have had to rethink outside the box - my previous gut was "June is June" and "July is July". Ultimately I am realizing that because DH gets paid every other week, if I am able to stick with my plan and pay my mortgage every other one, I will get that 13th check in and reduce the life of the loan. I won't monkey around with scrimping to come up with additional principle as of this time.

I double checked with my lawyer dad about month to month leases for the non-paying tenant. She will move from non-paying to slow-paying if she comes up with $900 on Monday. DH and I do not have to offer her another year's lease. Once the original terms of a lease are fulfilled, they automatically become month-to-month with a thirty day notice policy. At least it will be easier to have the tenant leave if she can't get caught up. THis will also offer the flexibility we might need should DH's parents decide to go into the house.

DH and I are responsible for some tasks with lawyer dad's apartments and are presently renting one apt that is available. There are SO many people calling about it and being upfront about bad credit issues and will this prevent them from being able to rent? Long-time tenants are balking at the rent being raised (taxes and utilities are all up). This is not an easy time for anyone, especially those that rent. I am very grateful that we have at leasat some sense of financial security. Lesson learned: Be grateful for what you have. I am concentrating more on this aspect, and thinking of small ways to let those I love that I am thinking of them.

Hoard (n): hidden supply; (v) accumulate and store away (money, etc) from Webster's New Pocket Dictionary.

Well, according to the definition my stash should be secret. Not. Accumulate and store away (money) - well, I have an EF of $1,000. I have $9,000 in short-term savings which will cover three months barebones budget (house/basic utilities and food). Probably hoard under that sense.

I have read Dave Ramsey and I have also used Crown's Money Map. I would be no good at following their steps and destinations because I cannot part with that $10K in the money market. (While I'm doing self-analysis, I am trying to break the mold I've been in and be more positive/proactive about the future)

I do declare though that anything above and beyond this will be going onto the debt. Interest from the money market and 1/2 of DH's side jobs will go into the ING Orange account because I need to actively plan for vacations (a priority and a must for my family to connect and relax and just be together - and it helps to have a goal to work towards).

I did a remix of small debts and have consolidated everything to this one card. As of July 1st, I am hoping that everything shows a "0" balance with the exception of this one card. I haven't been using them for quite some time so I did break this habit.

I guess we can say that I've revised a multitude of plans to get my wheels finally moving in the right direction. I have paid most of July's bills and might give YNAB a try for August.

In my quest for better financial understanding, I have given thoughts on where my conceptions of money came from. This has really impacted (and screwed up) my view of fiscal responsibility and success.

My parents both came from self-made families. One grandfather came to this country with a 2nd grade education and the other was born on and worked on a rural farm before coming to the "big city". Grandparents A (my father's parents) were outwardly "rich" and flaunted it - trips to Europe, designed clothes, brand new cars for their kids at 16, paid for houses for their kids at marriage etc. They made their money in real estate. This family had children who fought over their parents' estate and has resulted in hurt feelings and now the two remaining siblings do not speak at all.

Grandparents B (my mom's parents) were the opposite. They made their money in real estate as well, opting to living in one of the apartments in their "three flat" while adding slowly to their property portfolio. And my grandfather owned a gas station and worked twelve hours a day every day but Sunday. They have helped their children on an on-needed basis (down payments on houses, setting a child up with plumbing business, etc.)

My parents divorced when I was young and reunited for awhile after (though they never remarried) so when my mother left for good there wasn't a division of assets or anything like that. My mom has said she was happy to leave with her children, and left it at that.

We lived in an apartment and ate mac and cheese a lot. We didn't have a lot of money for "fun" things, though we did free things like picnics in the park and roller skating and $1 movies. I didn't do a lot of activities outside of school, but participated in all sports teams and things the school offered. All in all, it was a fun childhood and I do remember beign aware that at 9 I became "apartment people" as "house people" (mean kids) referred to us.

My father used money to control. He didn't pay child support regularly. We had old clothes but he went overboard at Christmas with things. My mom actually cried one Christmas when we came home with our gifts saying she wished she couldn't have done more.

DH is another story of extremes. His parents owned a successful business in the 70s and he was a spoiled indulged brat. At 13 the company went belly up and the house was lost and became apartment folk and had to attend a public high school. Also contributing to this was his parents poor financial planning and irresponsibility. They are facing retirement this August with VERY limited funds other than social security and some pensions.

I am still trying to sort out what I learned from this and how this made me who I am money-wise.

I know that I am proud and I will not ask anyone for help. I have "accepted" monetary gifts, probably not appreciatively as I should have (from my dad even as a grown up - there were other money shenanigans with him in my early marriage) but once I learned that his money had no power over me, it didn't really become that big of a deal. Rather a dissociative thing I suppose.

My husband gets a lot of credit from both sidees of my family because he is a hard worker and not too proud to do things like clean hallways and unclog toilets (he does have a white-collar desk job that he hates).

I haven't learned how to properly say "thank you" because of this. My mother remarried a wonderful man after two years. These grandparents have paid for a $375 acting workshop for DD10 and private swim lessons for DS5 and DS3 for $140 - all this week alone. They bought me groceries last week when my funds were limited. All I can do is smile and weakly say casually "Thanks" becase this whole money weight I carry. Yikes!

Well, understanding is at least a first step ...

After a week (almost), I am back. I looked at some of my posts and determined I wasn't in a good place. I have been somewhat whine-Y (not proud of that) and realize that I need a more global approach to the financial life we live (thanks to Merch and his 5-year plan, I have been thinking about the *BIG* picture with all-encompassing goals. I will formulate those and blog about those soon.

I need to do away with doom and gloom (my mental attitude lately). I am dealing with the Non-paying Tenant proactively (she will pay $900 on Monday) While I will not be renewing her year's lease, I am considering a month-to-month and we may have the option of my inlaws rent for awhile (a possibility, not a definite). I was proactive in looking into a management company for the property but decided against it (one month fee to them to start process for them to find tenants, then 10% of the proceeds. The list of fees they charge for their actual services of plumbing/etc were way out of line) so we will happily manage the property ourselves. Lesson learned: I cannot give the power of my perceived financial well-being to a tenant who isn't paying in a timely fashion. I will not be homeless as a result of this I have money in the bank and can prioritize my outflow to accomodate this lack of inflow.

I will not perseverate about my budget. I will post my coupon savings and budget category totals on a half month basis (1-15) and (16 to end) I will pay the monthly minimums on the remaining credit cards plus 1/2. This will continue until we have more certainty of our financial situation.

Money moment of the week: Spending $8 on Saturday at Michael's Arts & Crafts - $2.99 for 52 pieces of sidewalk chalk, new round of play doh (50% off coupon), five skein of floss so I can finish a stitching project to give as a gift. We have had lots of hours of enjoyment from that purchase. And we've been listening to books on tape from the library. Managed to get through Harry Potter Order of the Phoenix.

Looking forward to fiscal fitness and have a definite plan for the future! Please join me on my quest to financial security.